NOT THE EYES GERALD, ANYTHING BUT THE EYES!
Once again I've been turned down by all the major publishers in my attempts to secure a book deal. I sent off the synopsis for my latest book and have had nothing but standard rejection letters in response. It was to be a humourous look at the film industry and include facts that have never been made public. These include facts such as; Darth Vader in the Star Wars films was originally going to be called Jeremy Hollingsworth, the model for The Titanic used in the eponymous 1997 Oscar winner was made entirely of cottage cheese, Elijah Wood had his feet surgically removed in 1992 and that Matt Damon's mother invented the potato.
The publishers seem to doubt the credence of these facts and have accused me of (amongst other things) timewasting. I don't want to stoop to their level and dignify their comments with a response but I have made it clear that if I don't recieve a full and frank apology within the next seven days I will be forced to take legal advice.

P.S - Keira Knightley has never slept in a hammock - FACT.