CAR INSURANCE DRIVING YOU CRAZY!?Advertising truly is a remarkable thing. And I'm pleased to report that every word they print or say is concrete fact and not manipulative lies attempting to sell you crap you don't need. For example - around six months ago I saw an anti-aging cream advertised in a commercial break amid a particularly gripping episode of Heartbeat. When I started applying the lotion I was an 86 year old Virgo from Manchester called Derek Newton who suffered from mild depression and I am now a 14 year old schoolgirl called Miranda who has just got her first boyfriend (he's called Hamish)
My newfound belief in the power of advertising has galvinised my energies and given me a new sense of belonging. Just today I took out an insurance policy on a car I don't own purely because the rates were so competitive. I have also bought a three peice suite, a new kitchen, a stannah stair lift, a baby's potty, a lava lamp, 'The Hits from the 70's' CD, a KFC bargain bucket and a safari in Kenya. I charged these items to a credit card I took out last month that only charges 11% interest! - all my acquisitions combined only came to approx 11,500 pounds. A humble figure you're agree, considering the happiness these items have bought me. I took a straw poll of children starving in the Sudan who all seemed genuinely flabberghasted by the meagre sum. One child said "Gosh, that it a good deal. I was after a copy of 'The hits of the 70's' myself." She proceeded to ask me to support her family with any financial assistance I could spare. I always find it vulger when people beg for money. I told her I'd bought a white wristband about six months ago and I was sure she'd be seeing the proceeds of that shortly. And anyway, things are it bit tight this month - Visa bill.
