THE NEWS - AS IT BREAKS.
Princess Diana - Still dead!
I've managed to get hold of some leaked governement documents suggesting that Princess Diana may still be dead. They allege that she died following a car crash in a Paris subway in 1997 when her driver was pissed up and that she hasn't been seen since.
After some further digging I was shoked to discover there may be some validity to these allegations. One website I visited even suggested that she may well have at one time been married to royalty and have given birth to two sons who are in direct line to the throne of Great Britain!
I subsequently journeyed straight to Buckingham palace to try and get some royal reaction. The Queen herself was unavailable for comment due to a hangover. I did. however, manage to catch a word with an armed policeman who was patrolling the gates. He said, and I quote:
"Of course she's still f***ing dead you mental c***. She died years ago." When I tried to push him further he replied: "Listen to me you little twat, you are seriously pushing my f***ing patience. Now why don't you put some f***ing trousers on and f*** off before I have you arrested". By this time he had me in a headlock and was continually punching me in the face so I thought it best to abort the interview there but rest assured dear readers that I will not be deterred from my quest to uncover the truth where-ever it may lie.
NEXT WEEK - Pressure grows on pope to admit catholicism.
and
Watch exclusive footage of bear shitting in woods.
Princess Diana - Still dead!
I've managed to get hold of some leaked governement documents suggesting that Princess Diana may still be dead. They allege that she died following a car crash in a Paris subway in 1997 when her driver was pissed up and that she hasn't been seen since.
After some further digging I was shoked to discover there may be some validity to these allegations. One website I visited even suggested that she may well have at one time been married to royalty and have given birth to two sons who are in direct line to the throne of Great Britain!
I subsequently journeyed straight to Buckingham palace to try and get some royal reaction. The Queen herself was unavailable for comment due to a hangover. I did. however, manage to catch a word with an armed policeman who was patrolling the gates. He said, and I quote:
"Of course she's still f***ing dead you mental c***. She died years ago." When I tried to push him further he replied: "Listen to me you little twat, you are seriously pushing my f***ing patience. Now why don't you put some f***ing trousers on and f*** off before I have you arrested". By this time he had me in a headlock and was continually punching me in the face so I thought it best to abort the interview there but rest assured dear readers that I will not be deterred from my quest to uncover the truth where-ever it may lie.
NEXT WEEK - Pressure grows on pope to admit catholicism.
and
Watch exclusive footage of bear shitting in woods.
posted by Mr McGuinness at 12:48 pm
6 Comments:
Thanks for your completely pointless comment on my blog. It amused me :).
Clare
thanks for stopping by and reading my rantings....very entertained by yours!
holly
Christ! I can't tell if you're deathly sane or completely bonkers.
Thanks for the update about Princess Di - I was getting rather worried...
thanks for posting on my blog! you are very hysterical. i think all comedians are insane in one way or another. i say relish it and cash in on it. make the millions! :)
MMMM. Maybe the princess is still alive, simulated her death to escape the public eye? The armed guard holds the answer, I suggest another interview, lets hope he forgets about the weapon he's carrying!
Whatever you do, don't tell the Daily Mail. They're still in denial
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