IT'S OFFICIAL - CRACK IS GOOD FOR YOU.
I attended a party in town on saturday night where one young gentleman was generous enough to introduce me to the delights of crack cocaine. Its terribly more-ish. It was the first time I tried it a now I simply can't get enough of the stuff. For all those unfamiliar with its delights; it fills you with a tremendous sense of euphoria followed by an overpowering feeling of general inadequacy and depression. But not to worry, once the latter emotion hits you you're just about ready for another dose and your mood lifts almost instantaneously. The young gentleman has gone out of his way since to ensure I don't run out. (I find I need a hit at least every 15 minutes or I getting the most dreadful withdrawal syptoms) and although it is proving rather expensive (so far I have sold my house, car and children and have started stealing my grandmother's pension money) it is definitely money well spent. As the saying goes 'Once you've tried crack you don't go back'. The young gentleman has also warned me that if don't pay him every penny owed he will have me shot but I think that's just his wacky sense of humour coming into play. Apparently crack is readily available on every street corner! I feel sooo stupid. If only I'd known sooner. But now that I have experience the wonders of this marvellous creation I feel it would be selfish of me to keep it to myself so, if you'd like some more information on the benefits of crack cocaine or you'd like to enrol your children on one of my two-day introductory courses, please visit:
www.crackcocaineforkids.com
I attended a party in town on saturday night where one young gentleman was generous enough to introduce me to the delights of crack cocaine. Its terribly more-ish. It was the first time I tried it a now I simply can't get enough of the stuff. For all those unfamiliar with its delights; it fills you with a tremendous sense of euphoria followed by an overpowering feeling of general inadequacy and depression. But not to worry, once the latter emotion hits you you're just about ready for another dose and your mood lifts almost instantaneously. The young gentleman has gone out of his way since to ensure I don't run out. (I find I need a hit at least every 15 minutes or I getting the most dreadful withdrawal syptoms) and although it is proving rather expensive (so far I have sold my house, car and children and have started stealing my grandmother's pension money) it is definitely money well spent. As the saying goes 'Once you've tried crack you don't go back'. The young gentleman has also warned me that if don't pay him every penny owed he will have me shot but I think that's just his wacky sense of humour coming into play. Apparently crack is readily available on every street corner! I feel sooo stupid. If only I'd known sooner. But now that I have experience the wonders of this marvellous creation I feel it would be selfish of me to keep it to myself so, if you'd like some more information on the benefits of crack cocaine or you'd like to enrol your children on one of my two-day introductory courses, please visit:
www.crackcocaineforkids.com
posted by Mr McGuinness at 6:47 am
5 Comments:
What a charming young lady. As the popular turn of phrase goes "You should have gone to Cracksavers".
niftyflubber001 is the blogging pseudonym of Craig Charles. FACT.
hey! your blog is hysterical! i found out about it from elisa's blog. keep up the great work!
can i get a family discount?
"Im sorry that you can't speak English.
That sort of sucks."
Well, I just checked out YOUR blog, so excuse me while I contemplate the irony of your comment.
And, Armadillo guy, great blog.
I especially liked the 50 pence story. Not what happened to you, of course, but the way you told it, at least.
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