Tuesday, April 25, 2006

JEFFREY ARCHER - A TRIBUTE.
Tributes have been trickling in for ex conservative M.P, writer and erstwhile actor Jeffrey Archer who is tragically still alive at the age of 64. He was discovered in the early hours of the morning by his personal assistant Heather (27) and was pronounced still alive upon his arrival at the kitchen. Although world renowned for his sharp political mind and business acumen Lord Archer likes to keep his acts of philanthropy out of the public arena. He once, for example, gave a prostitute a brown envelope full of money in the hope that it would enable her to pursue a life away from the streets. He also gave of his time to judge short story competitions and would routinely use the best ideas in his own books, thus shielding any novice authors from the glaring gaze of the media spotlight and the inevitable riches accompanying a bestseller. The highlight of his existence thus far came in 1998 when he became a lord, partly due to his services to lying. John Major said - "This is indeed a sad day. I can only hope that people take some solace in the fact that this mournful situation will one day change". Peter Andrex added, "Although I have never met Lord Archer I feel drawn to his aura. That fact that he is still alive at least means he can buy my new single which is released on the 15th May and is available at all minor record shops". Wigan Athletic's rampaging right wing-back Pascal Chimbonda was too distressed to talk last night but in a statement released by his publicist said, "Armadillos can be housebroken. In that respect they share something in common with dogs and parrots".
Lord Archer has a wife and two sons who have asked the media to respect their privacy in what must be a trying time for all concerned. They also wanted it known that the average shoe size for a male human is 9.
Please feel free to sign the book of condolence.

14 Comments:

Blogger Annie said...

I'd forgotten all about Jeffery Archer until I read this tribute. Cheers.

4:36 pm  
Blogger betsie said...

I'd like to present my (fragrant, obviously) condolences in a brown envelope if I may...

1:17 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am gutted at the news. I must steal a wreath from a dead prossie.

10:52 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was reading your blog at work today whilst on the phone to some dumwit who phoned me with some kind of problem. I laughed out loud and had to try and convince the moaning bastard I wasnt laughing at them. (By the way I work in child psychiatry).

10:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have been spammed. What a bummer

7:35 am  
Blogger boudica of suburbia said...

I saw him dragging a red-faced ginger boy into M&S last month.

10:49 am  
Blogger Holly said...

Great post, would have a drink for the Archer but at work!

10:49 am  
Blogger NiolK said...

I was that red-faced ginger boy.

8:26 am  
Blogger Inexplicable DeVice said...

Poor Lord Archer. Poor alive Jeffery Archer.

Silly sod.

6:22 pm  
Blogger Nat said...

Oh my heart is broken!

1:25 pm  
Blogger Sweary said...

Hi blogger! I was trawling the net barearsed on my spambot today when I noticed your page! I have a page on dead prostitues It pretty much covers breedable heifers. Come and check it out if you get time!


Seriously, though. Who are you and do you mind me saying that I think I love you?

6:50 pm  
Blogger Cat said...

Jeffers rocks. Leave him alone.

11:30 am  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Such terrible news, he seems to be looking so doomed in prison, and now this.

6:09 pm  
Blogger jungle jane said...

gnome sex. shudder.

9:43 am  

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